A Jejemon is basically a variation of homo sapiens sub-species Jeje that originates in the Asia-Pacific island nation the Philippines. Jejes on the other hand are of the pure and original form and is claimed to have originated in what we know today as Latin America. This post will discuss the Jejemon strain of the Jejes.
Jejemons (Jejemonus Filiponensis) are creatures of the night. Their activity period ranges from 8pm to 4am local time. They have been discovered by the world-renowned Filipino adventurer Juan dela Cruz in the early start of the millennium.
It is said that Jejemons are often seen clustering around social networking sites such as Facebook and Friendster. They are also spotted in massive numbers in television chat rooms albeit they were just starting to flourish at the time of Juan dela Cruz's discovery of them. To date, there is an estimated 7.4 million Jejemons thriving in the Philippines. They have since started booming proportionally with the fast global progress of technology.
Resume of an Average Jejemon
t is difficult to distinguish Jejemons from normal human beings solely by physical appearance. They look like human beings, they eat like human beings, they dress like human beings (see: gangster). A Jejemon can only be distinguished by their writing language, the Jejebet. The Jejebet is a combination of the English alphabet and counting numbers which, in a strange mix of character substitution, surprisingly makes words that are understandable only to the Jejes and Jejeologists (normal people that study Jejemons).
Jejemons are generally thought to have very low IQs, although this claim still remains unproven. This might be due to the failure of the Jejebrain to produce and terminate brain cells than that of the normal rate of average human beings. Extreme head heat (which have been thought to decrease brain size) while wearing gangsta caps and gangsta shirts and 24/7 beer diets have been also attributed for the Jejemons' low IQ levels.
Jejemons are generally thought to have very low IQs, although this claim still remains unproven. This might be due to the failure of the Jejebrain to produce and terminate brain cells than that of the normal rate of average human beings. Extreme head heat (which have been thought to decrease brain size) while wearing gangsta caps and gangsta shirts and 24/7 beer diets have been also attributed for the Jejemons' low IQ levels.
Average Jejemons, complete with Jeje hand signs
Below are some of the basic Jejemon words (Warning: May cause severe headache if you try too hard to understand. Patience and comprehension is required):
aQcKuHh - means me/ako
lAbqCkyOuHh - means I love you
yuHh - means you
jAjaJa - garbled words conveying laughter
jeJejE - a variation of jAjaJa; conveys sly laughter
iMiszqcKyuH - means I miss you
eEoW pFhUeEhsxz - means hi/hello
(Credits to Jejeologist Dharwin Chaarlez for the above)
The main media used by Jejemons are both basic and advanced cellphone units, television units and personal computer units.
Just a couple of years ago, Jejemons have started "evolving" their eye color (from the original brown to blue or purple or pink) through their extensive knowledge of Adobe Photoshop and various internet programs. This behavior is proof that they are indeed capable of higher intelligence, an action previously thought of as impossible by many Jejeientists (normal people that study Jeje sciences).
Normal people have since started to act to eradicate the thriving Jejemon population. These normal people identify themselves as Grammar Nazis and/or Jejebusters (started appearing 2 years after the Great Jejemon Infestation; also known as the GJI of 2001). They actively seek and hunt Jejemon communities with only one purpose: to eliminate. Their preferred weapon is the MG13-liLipAdkaAyUohH grammar gun and the BZ-aRayqcKuoHh rocket-propelled paragraph grenade. It is manufactured and supplied by an unidentified grammar armaments specialty group in an undisclosed location in the Philippines. Their equipment is mainly made of S-grade Manila Bulletin Newspaper vests which boasts impressive proper grammar. "Extream Panda" is currently the Grammar Nazi's mascot.
Recently the Philippine Government, spearheaded by Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, has moved to the decision considering Jejemons a threat to society and its normal living conditions. With the upcoming elections nearing, presidential aspirants and political parties here and there have been vowing to halt the ferocious growth of the Jejemons. One well-known aspirant, Gilberto Teodoro Jr. has promised to push forward the JSE (Jejemon Specialty Education) into law if voted for president.
Gibo Teodoro Jr. (center) holding a JSE banner
Teodoro was one of the first to recognize the perils of Jejenism (the Jejemon religion; not to be confused with Jejemonism, the belief that Jejemons are superior than normal people) and its undue but very influential teachings. Jejeientists, Jejeologists, Jejebusters and Grammar Nazis have expressed their delight and have stated that they are more than ready to participate in this historic undertaking by stopping Jejemons from learning the Jejenese language (speaking language of Jejemons together with the Jejebet; has been recently discovered by Jejeientist Ranzkiedoodles during her grueling sojourn at Jejeland) and instead teaching them the normal speaking languages of Filipino and English.
A word of caution to normal people and would-be Jejebusters and Grammar Nazis: Be careful. They're out there. They prey on A+ grammar users like you. Make sure you have the right equipment to face them. When you come face-to-face with a group of Jejemons, do not fight back. Instead, delete their text message or close your internet browser and lie down. Failure to do so will result in severe headache. If you want to purchase armaments and protective gear for Jejemon elimination, feel free to do so by calling 1-800-JEJEMON. No licenses required. Not covered by the COMELEC gun ban. Conditions apply.
----------
Heh, this is a work of fiction. I just wasted an hour and a half of my life with this. Was just fascinated by Jejemons. Credits to the guys in the pic. I don't have any idea who they are either.
'Till my next installment.
|
0 comments:
Post a Comment